Poetry

The Lonely Swamp.

a short poem by Kyle Linneman

 

A lonely frog sat in the fog,

alone as a frog could be.

from his humble log to the whole bog,

not a single soul he could see.

He decided to leap into the murky deep,

to try and meet a friend.

But unfortunately for the little froggy,

he only met his end.

 

A hungry Gator was eating dinner later,

because food was hard to find.

His stomach was rumbling and he grumbling,

because he was in quite a bind.

He was feeling beat, until he found our frog to eat,

and nabbed him in one big “chomp”.

Although the food made him glad, he was suddenly sad,

for he was all alone in the swamp.

Movie Characters that listen to Beethoven

Just got back from the ESO’s performance of some Beethoven, including the 9th symphony. It inspires me to make this list of movie characters that like Beethoven. See if you can spot a theme.

  • Alex from Clockwork Orange
  • Casanova Frankenstein from Mystery Men
  • The DEA Officer from The Professional
  • Hans Gruber from Die Hard (or at least Hitler)
  • The Psycho from Psycho (Eroica!)

I think that being on the web is all about the sharing of information. I find that this particular set of info is not really covered anywhere else, so this blog post will serve as the internet’s official database of movie characters that listen to  Beethoven. Anyone can contribute, I am envisioning at least a million entries…

On Deadly Ground II: On Deadly Sea

Steven Seagal returns as environmental agent Forrest Taft, who must stop corrupt Aegis CEO Tommy Hughward (Hugh Grant), the kind of person who doesn’t care whether or not oil spills into the ocean or onto the land, just as long as it’s making money for him. He even makes commercials that make him look like he cares about the environment. Jennings is almost finished with building his new state-of-the art oil rig: AEGIS HORIZON. When Hughward finds out that Taft’s best friend Richard Palmer has a computer disk that contains information about defective equipment on AEGIS HORIZON, he sends out his goons to murder Palmer. When Taft tries to interfere, Hughward tries to kill Taft, but an Voodoo woman named Marie, who introduces Taft to her father Galeb, the local witch doctor, rescues Taft. With Marie’s help, Taft begins a trek through the Bayou, heading straight for AEGIS HORIZON to destroy it before it destroys the Gulf Coast.

Facular issues

The Health Center did half of this...

Today for throwback week, is a list of the top ten excuses for the state of my face a couple years ago before it laid me up in the hospital for a week.

1. The first rule is I’m not supposed to talk about it.

2. The second rule is I’m not supposed to talk about it.

3. I fell down a flight of stairs (sad glance towards Tia).

4. The doctor said it would stop bleeding if I kept my finger out of there.

5. You should see the other guy..

6. No, seriously, the other guy was an Oregon State linebacker. He’s in a wheelchair right now.

7. I played bad in studio (sad glance towards McWhorter).

8.The cocaine was a bad idea…

9. I got half of a Michael Jackson.

10. I’m going to be Harvey Dent for Halloween next year.

The Lost Art

Once upon a time…

There was no TV. If you wanted to experience media, you would have to go out on the town to a theatre and hope to see something epic. You would have to leave your couch, drive a car downtown, pay for tickets (and drinks), possibly climb some stairs, and sit on folding chair for an hour.

To avoid the pains of uncomfortable chairs, paying admission, and possibly encountering a flight or two of stairs, they invented the talking picture box. One of great features of TV was the variety show. It provided the public with a little taste of everything from comedy, to dancing, to (most importantly) music. These shows would showcase true talent on a regular basis and entertained the masses.

But this golden age of television was short lived as the variety show died out at the onset of the eighties. Music moved to music television, and then music television got rid of the music. Talent shows have recently become popular, but they don’t showcase the talent as much as critique and commercialize it.

What has happened? Is the fall of the variety show a result of the fragmentation of media, especially now with the internet? Or is it society changing from a modernist taste for “high art” to postmodernist questioning and critiquing of the artists? Or is it just that people really don’t love the Muppet Show as much as I do, and don’t care that its gone?

I’m thinking the latter.

Regardless, I want to hear what you think. Why are variety shows a lost art? What defines the art of the variety show? What would you do if you were on a variety show? Finally, if the Muppets did a version of Pulp Fiction, who would play who? I’m thinking Fozzie for playing Butch.

I think it would be cool if I could do some sort of variety show on KWVA, maybe even a tribute to the Muppets. If you have any good variety show acts, let me know!

In the meantime, I’m gonna go watch old episodes of the Muppets.
Stay Classy, like a variety show.

Studies in Highway Traffic….

One of the things that I like about the summer is how I am reunited with my car, and therefore able to drive around… However, people who don’t drive intelligently annoy me. This is some educational material to share to those annoying drivers out there…

Highway Etiquette 101

Today’s lecture is on why there are three lanes in a three lane highway and the proper way to use them.

As the automobile began to gain popularity through the early half of the twentieth century, so did the need for bigger, and better roads on which to drive them. This was the birth of the paved roads. After World War II, the movement of the population out to the suburbs lead to the development of longer roads, and Highways. As rush hour traffic grew, so did the need for more lanes, hence the three lane highway.

The three lane highway was designed with a specific strategy, as is described by the graphic below:

Ideal Three Lane Highway

The green blobs represent speed. Note that the speed of the cars on the right is less than those than the middle, and that the middle is less than the far left.

In this setup, the traffic flows well because the slower cars can easily be passed. The passing car goes back to the right when there is no traffic as the only car on the road is the slowest. The third lane is for when a slow car is passing a slower car, or there is oncoming traffic.

Although this is the ideal, most places do not follow this strategy. We will now explore two other systems of highway traffic on three lane highways.

One example is Ohio:

Ohio's Three Lane Highway

In Ohio, the slowest lane is in the middle, followed by the right lane and the fastest being the left lane. Following the “stay to the right” strategy common of the ideal system, a fast driver must change two lanes to pass slower vehicles as the right two lanes are both slow. This is a very frustrating process, especially during rush hour.

An even more ineffective system is in Oregon:

Oregno's Three Lane Highway

In Oregon, all of the traffic is slower, especially in the left lane. This effectively makes the road a two lane, as the left lane has some of the slowest traffic, which eliminates passing in that lane.

Following the etiquette of the road is an important part of not pissing people off. Just remember the golden rule:

  • Stay to the right, unless passing

Thanks,

Kyle

I had to…

Sometimes life hands you lemons. In my case, life sets me up for the lamest joke there is.

I was going to post this to failbooking or the like, but Its not cool to post your own. On a blog, however, it is more than acceptable to showcase your work.

Intergalactic Kegger

I think that the University of Oregon should adopt a class on intergalactic relations. The mere fact that Avatar broke all the box office records goes to show that people are interested in the issues that surround the intergalactic community.

Here is how I see the class going down.

INGL 201- Intro to Intergalactic Relations

INGL 201 covers the history of  conflicts and other important events that have shaped the current landscape of  Intergalactic politics. This challenges students to become more aware of the current intergalactic landscape and the issues that surround us as a world in a broader  intergalactic system.

There will be two lectures a week covering the following subjects.

  • Case files from the MIB
  • In depth study of Na’vi- human relations
  • The growing concern over the Visitors
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still
  • When Mars Attacked.

Readings will be from:

  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
  • Starship Troopers- Robert A. Heinlen

Students will also have access to an interactive simulation entitled Starcraft. The old edition works fine for the purposes of the class.

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The Night Before Tacos

It ’twas the night before tacos
and all through Kyle’s pad,
not a creature was sturring, not even a tad.
The kitchen was strewn with dirty silverware,
in hopes that tomorrow he wouldn’t be eating there
Kyle was nestled all snug in his bed
while visions of nachos danced in his head.

I am getting me some tacos tomorrow…